Some time ago I have received a request from one of my lovely readers to write about marrying a successful perfect man, or what some would call “hypergamy”. To be completely honest, I was not too familiar with the term, and I frankly had to do some research to be able to write about it. While researching though, I realized it is basically about the desire to find and marry someone successful which usually includes: wealthy, healthy, strong, and masculine man even though a woman may not necessarily be on the same level. To be fair, many women want that.
And that is when it all begins, and that is where we find the answers. But before we jump to a conclusion, you do want some thoughts on it from me, right? 🙂 (If not, I am totally okay with – you can actually jump to the very end of the article and read the aforementioned conclusion).
Let’s start from the beginning.
In Search Of a Perfect Mate
Hypergamy – is the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves. Interestingly enough, that precise practice was and still is wildly popular in regions of India. I am not going to go too deep there, but the main idea is that a woman should not marry a man from a lower caste – for the sake of the better off-springs, better marriage, better future in general. And of course, since it is India – better karma and good spiritual health. It was practiced not only in India though. Other parts of the world include imperial China, ancient Greece, and feudal Europe. And I guess we can add modern world and some parts of it. It is just called something different.
“You’re not so bad for a friend, but there’s no reason that your genetic material should propagate itself into the future.” – Jordan Peterson
So why do women want a successful man? They can find just anyone, any partner will do, but generally, this is not the case and secretly (and sometimes openly) women are looking for a wealthy strong male to marry them. Who is here to blame? No one really, it is just another way of Nature, doing its things and taking its course. It is super simple. If a man has good genes, healthy, has good habits, good self-value, he is successful in life, he is stable emotionally and financially, he is positive and generally happy – that is basically almost a guarantee that the family will be happy.
And, if a man has some mediocre genes, mediocre health – children might not be healthy. If he has bad habits – there will be some sort of stress in the family. If he is not successful in life (or a least not trying to be successful) – there won’t be financial stability. This is all pretty obvious stuff. Let’s look at nature.
The Nature Of (Love) Things
Lionesses pick a leader of the pack to mate with. Not because the rest of the males do not have this privilege, they certainly do. But because it is simply wise from the perspective of Nature. A strong healthy leader will give the best to his off-springs. The same goes for female tigers. They always choose only the strongest and bravest male. If she mates with a weaker male, there is a high chance she will lose her off-springs. The strong one will come around and kill them all except for her, so that he can mate with her. So tigress is smart (or instinctively wise) and chooses to mate with the strongest one. Would you call these example fair? I would. Let’s continue.
We are obviously not animals, although we are still part of the Nature. And Nature still has its laws that influence us. The difference lays in the level of our consciousness and self-awareness. And if we talk about humans, generally the most desirable man is not necessarily the strongest one physically, but just overall – strong emotionally, psychologically, mentally, financially. Someone who has found himself in most areas of life. That is why women make this conclusion – that they need this type of perfect man to have a happy life and family. Fair? Still fair.
Now, this is where it gets a little complicated because humans are involved. 🙂
There is another law of Nature, or Universal Law, that exists everywhere at all times – The Law of Compensation. You always receive what you put out. How is it relevant and applicable in our situation of hypergamy and finding a successful perfect man? Let’s look closer.
A woman wants a man – a leader, a strong masculine man, a successful businessman, a man without bad habits, someone who wants a family, maybe even a vegetarian and spiritually evolved on top of that, (why not?), the list never ends. Okay, great. Then my question is this: Why would a man like this need you? Why would a leader, a strong masculine perfect man, a successful businessman without bad habits who is vegetarian and spiritually evolved have to want you?
This is a simple question that not only me, but you yourself should ask too. And really, there is no goal to put you down to earth by devaluing who you are when I ask this. I just want to know what you think of yourself and how strong you feel yourself as a woman, what is your value and your strength? Because relationships are always an exchange. If a man provides you with all the goods in the world (that you want), then what can you offer him in return? Unfortunately, if the answer is “Myself” and that is it, then it may mean you have a false idea of self where all you can offer is not offering anything but taking. That is not relationships, that is the consumption of another human. At some angle, it also has a flavor of selling yourself…
If you say “My beauty, my intelligence, my sexy body, my good education, my experience as a lover”, we can quickly dissect these and look closer too.
When you offer beauty, the reality is – there are many other beautiful women out there. He will have plenty of choices. If you offer intelligence and good education, well, unfortunately (or fortunately) there are also a lot of very highly intelligent smart women walking around. He won’t have a problem with that either. Sexy? Well, to be honest, there are also many women who are good in bed, and for some, it is the way of earning. So they are probably really good at it. As we can see, all of the usual things women are ready to offer are not so unique. They are also not something that lasts, or grows, or transforms deeply. So what is?
Unique Things Woman Can Offer
How about your ability to listen? With great interest, with your whole being? Can you offer that? Perhaps you can offer your amazing ability to see the good qualities in your man and admire them sincerely? Here are some other things you may consider offering.
Your ability to inspire and motivate, effortlessly, and lovingly. Your incredible skill in staying silent when you need to, and let a man make a decision instead. Another thing to offer is your easy-going nature and your positive and optimistic mood most of the time. Also, you may offer your superb skills in maintaining your home as the most relaxing and comfortable space, where your man can fully relax. Maybe you can offer your lovely ability to find pleasure anywhere all the time, so that you are not only enjoying it yourself, but also being pleasurable and enjoyable while doing it.
You can also offer your outstanding skills in cooking the most delicious food that everyone who tries it moans from pleasure. Perhaps, you can also consider the ability to accept your man with all his strengths and weaknesses and be grateful for every little thing. Another thing you may offer is your skill to follow your man, with trust and gratitude. And something even more advanced is the ability to serve him by still keeping your own dignity and self-worth.
To be with a king, you need to be a queen, or at least a princess.
What do you think of these? Do they appeal to something beneath the surface, something timeless and something transforming? I think so. Those are the things to consider and to discover within yourself, and only then offer them to someone else. Because if you only see yourself as a body, on a surface, why would someone else want to go deeper to get to your soul?
So, the bottom line is – if you want a strong male, what can you offer as a strong female? To be with a king, you need to be a queen, or at least a princess. You know the drill.
“Perfect Man” Meditation
Here is a quick meditation to help you find your qualities of a strong female, or to be precise – of a perfect woman for your perfect man.
1. Close your eyes and think of your perfect man. Who is he? What does he look like? Imagine him as detailed as possible. Think of his physical appearance – how tall he is? How fit he is? What is he wearing? Think of his lifestyle – what does he do for a living? What are his hobbies and interests? Where does he spend his time mostly? Think of his health – how healthy is he? Visualize everything you can think of as much as possible.
2. Now, once you have a full picture of your perfect man, become him. Just feel yourself as if it is you, with all those muscles, and height, and dark hair and sexy hands. Just imagine yourself a wonderful masculine sexy man of your dreams. Got it?
3. Next, imagine how you, being a man, meets a woman. And that woman is who you currently are in real life, outside of this meditation. He looks at her, gets to know her a little, and then try to notice – how does he react? What are his thoughts? Does he want to be with her? And if not, why not?
4. That is your answer. Whatever he, or you as a man, find unattractive is what you need to focus on. This was the meeting of your inner man with your inner woman. Once those two happily together, you will find your perfect man in real life (who may not be necessarily perfect per se, but he will be perfect for you). Speaking of which.
Beware Of Energetic Balance
So what do we see? We see that a woman’s desire to have a strong male is perfectly reasonable, and at the same time for a woman to actually manifest that in life, she should be up to certain standards. And that is fair too. And here is why.
I would not be me if I would not mention energy and spirituality. Beware of energetic balance, ladies. It means, keep in mind the balance of strong and weak energetics. If in a couple you are a weaker one (which means you managed to attract this quality man while you know you still have some parts of you that could use some polish), then there is a risk to be destroyed, eventually. The possible and most likely outcome in this situation is such a woman will subconsciously feel that she is on a different level as a female, and her qualities as a strong female are not there. So she will most likely end up having these:
- feeling unworthy
- feeling inadequate
- feeling frustrated
And on some level, I think it is for the better. Because it is her own psyche hinting her that this is not a good match and she either a) needs to find someone on the same level and work on things together, and grow as a couple or b) stay single for now and focus on all those things she experiences, and contemplate on why and what to do about them. I think that is very fair too.
The opposite scenario is when a woman finds a weaker man. I don’t even want to go there now because it also happens sometimes, and I don’t know one single example where they stayed together long term. Eventually, they would grow apart.
So, if you need protection and financial stability from a man, make sure you are emotionally strong, loving, kind, patient woman who can handle such a man. Because success and wealth equals strong energy. People have these things not because of mere luck or persistence, but because their vessel of energy that is so full, it manifests in all these things in life. Essentially, strong sexuality, attractiveness, and wealth in a man simply means he is full of vital energetic force that he applies in life and that brings him natural logical results – in the form of good health, good money, good relationships, capacity to share and to be productive, etc.
Are you ready for this kind of man? Are you wholesome enough? Have you done your true woman’s work out, “the work out of femininity”, that makes you ready and available wholesome woman? Unfortunately, a lot of women are not wholesome and they want a wholesome man. How do you think it is going to work out?
If you don’t have such men in your life, that simply means you are not ready. Yet.
Powerful Mantras For Perfect Partner
If you are into mantras, here are a couple of mantras that will bring a perfect partner in your life. What is your perfect partner at the moment is only for the Universe to decide, or for you – if you are willing to do the work. What I am trying to say, be careful with these mantras. They will manifest a man that you exactly need at this moment of your life, for your own good and safety.
1. This mantra will bring a partner with the best male qualities that is possible for you.
Sat Patim Dehi Parameshwara
“Please give me a man of truth who embodies the perfect masculine attributes who would use my energy fairly and selflessly”.
2. This mantra is appealing to Goddess Durga, the spouse of Lord Shiva. It is is chanted when a marriage is delayed for whatever reason.
Mahayoginya dhee shwari
Nand gop sutam
Devi patim Me Kuru te Namah
“Goddess, please send me a husband that is like God and has the same qualities”.
You should chant these mantras:
- Either the amount of weeks that equals the number of years that you are plus one week (i.e. If you are 30 years old, you should chant this mantra for 31 weeks (x 108 times daily).
- Either 40 weeks straight.
- Either until you actually meet somebody.
While you practice the chanting of these mantras, it is important to abstain from all intimate and sexual relationships. If works better if you actually sing the mantra, and especially if you sing it from the depth of your heart with all the devotion and love. I have written about mantras for women earlier.
May we all have the love of our lives that we deserve and desire at the same time.